I don’t think I’m alone when I say beards are sexy. And I’m talking actual facial hair, ladies and gentleman. How many times have you seen a boy you thought was just alright grow a beard, then immediately assume the position? Check.
I realized a had a beard fetish when I came home one night on my birthday, and my roommate bought be a shower curtain covered in various types of beards, with the proper name of each style, and said “You’re welcome beard lady.” I say I have a “type,” yet she says “problem.” Tomato/tomato.
Let’s talk beards, shall we? Starting with my favorite, the well groomed beard. Maybe this guy is old fashioned, but I bet he could fix my car, and would probably do pretty well with my box too. And I’m sure Pandora’s boxxxxxx just might agree.
Then there is the goatee. Super cool. If you refuse to let go of the 90’s.
Then there is this beauty. Now, I loved Anchorman, but I don’t want to “love” Anchorman. Sorry Ron Burgundy. That would tickle. Stay classy.
Then there is the 5 o’clock shadow. Kinda hot. But looks like a fear of commitment. Looks great on Willam though!
Then there is this. I could raise kids on a mountain with this one. Maybe admire his log. Cause he probably is into logging. You know, like trees. What were you guys thinking? Dirty birds.
Now this is the next level. I think I just peed a little. Probably out of fear.
Nope, sorry. Try again.
Nope, sorry. This guy is probably a super cool dude though. Probably really good at darts too.
I don’t think this is an actually style of beard, just a very tan, very retired wrestler.
The fuck?? Sorry Braveheart.
This one doesn’t even count.